The threat of 'non single' men on dating sites

The theme of this post was prompted by my recent first date with a guy who turned out to be in an 8 month long relationship with a live-in girlfriend..yes..nice guy huh?!

It's the girlfriend I am grateful to for snooping on his laptop and finding her boyfriend's mail on a dating site.  Had she not sussed him out she never would have contacted me and I could have potentially dated this guy based on a string of lies he was telling.

This was perhaps an extreme case as it evolved that the said idiot turned out to be bi-polar, so would always have the 'illness' excuse for his unacceptable behaviour.  After all, would he just have been having an 'episode' whilst proactively setting up a dating site profile, approaching and dating various women over a year and taking them on dates? Really?? The smell of bullshit is overwhelming!  Let's hope she finally saw the light and kicked him to the kerb.

So, what gives men the right or motivation to deceive women into thinking they are single and wasting their time?  I have been approached by numerous married men in the online dating world.  It's usually the case of men that want to have their cake and eat it too.  That don't want to lose the marriage/kids/girlfriend set up they have but need to add some spice to their sex life and boost their egos.

So how can you spot a married man online? Here is the Ms Rate-a-Date guide to singling out and avoiding married men on dating sites (what you do to them when you find out they are is entirely at your discretion):

1. He has no profile photo or if so it is either unclear or of himself in the distance. The last thing he wants to happen is that he is spotted by someone who knows him.  Men without photos are best to avoid as a general rule anyway as even if he isn't married he must have something to hide such as a) he is hideous b) he is on the run from the police or nuthouse or c) may be recognisable from a recent Crimewatch photofit photo on TV.  Another classic sign is the guy who says 'I am being discreet because of my job, but if you give me your email address I can send you some photos'..you have been warned!

2. He will be the one to make the initial contact.  Most married men search for women who are physically attractive, appear very trusting, honest and naive, so could therefore be easily manipulated.  If he has experience, he will know which questions to ask you to work out how easy a target you could be.

3.  His contact may be erratic or he may have limited time online.  Let's face it, a married man can't just log in to a dating site at home with the wife and or kids about! He is more likely to only make contact online during working hours. He may cancel dates at the last minute with a feeble excuse. If you always reach his answer phone when you call him and find he always has to call you at his convenience only or at set times then warning bells should definitely ring!

4.  He is very secretive and shady about where he lives and doesn't let you have his home number.  He is only ever going to suggest your place or a hotel!  Don't fall for the one about his place being a mess! If a man lives alone then we expect a mess, right?!

5. He doesn't divulge much information about his family, upbringing etc and once involved with you will never introduce you to his friends.

This is my foolproof list of warning signs but we still have to bear in mind that not every man that does one of the above is necessarily married or with a girlfriend.  However, if he ticks a few of the above then it's best to ask outright or walk away..actually no..run!!

Before anyone accuses me of missing a valid point, yes..married women also have affairs with men and meet them online. No one is saying the fairer sex are always innocent parties.  I think there could be an opportunity for someone to create a dating site online for married men and married women to use to meet each other..this way us single women won't get used and abused! You heard it here first! Or perhaps someone is creating that very site as I write this.....